Every morning, lately around 7:00, I fall asleep and enter a dream world – well, more like a nightmare.
I dream that I am a common man, unknown and unimportant. I dream that I live in a rat hole decorated with petty trinkets that a man of low station could barely afford. I dream that I stumble out of this apartment into a dark and cold world where nothing waits to greet me. I turn the corner in my dream and see my car, barely worthy to be called a car at all. This car takes me to a place of terror – a shared office not even the size of my bedroom where I slave away at something I do not believe in…I do not have passion for. I go through the motions and the nightmare is the same every morning.
When I climb into bed at the end of this dreadful nightmare, I wake into a world of endless possibilities. There are highs and lows farther than any man could imagine on his own. My life is whatever I will it to be or whatever I fear in my heart the most. It is a world of constant and comfort. It is a world where no idea, no feeling goes unwelcome.
I heard a quote once: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss
My life has gone through so many changes, very few for the better this last year and I have lost track of my passion, my marriage, my responsibility as a father…I have let the nightmare become real and the reality become a dream. I have compromised one too many times and allowed my failures to control my life.
How many times have I sworn change? How many times have I said ‘this will be the time I turn my life around?’ Well, I’ll be honest…would I rather sit down and watch the entire season of my favorite TV show than get up and experience my life for what it could be? Yes. I say this because that is the choice I have unconsciously made because it is what I have done.
If I truly wanted to be a writer, I would write. Obviously, it is not important enough to me to give up a couple hours of someone else’s story.
If I truly wanted to put my wife and daughter before all else, then I would do it. I would put down the computer and pick my daughter up off the floor, take my wife’s hand and I would love them until my heart could love no more and burst open.
I attempt once more to turn my life around. As God is my witness, the choices ahead of me may very well determine the entirety of my future.
Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, wish me luck!
– Paul Scott
Paul