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I SUCK!

Replacement filing cabinet

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To let you know a little bit about 25-year-old me, I suck at writing – not so much the grammar or the clever way I string words into an aesthetically pleasing sentence but in my originality and imagination.  As a child, I had not a care in the world.  I believed in anything that anyone told me (not because I was naive but because I am a believer) and I came up with at least 1,000 story ideas every day.

Now I have 271 projects sitting on my desk, simply waiting to be completed and I don’t have the heart or the imagination to finish them.  These are childhood stories that I never did sit down to complete and now I almost feel as if they are better left in the dust of my filing cabinet.  They are tales that I poured my heart and soul into as a child and I feel now as if I have no heart or soul left to give to them.

I recently had one of the greatest writing experiences of my life, however.  I had the opportunity to listen to a talk presented by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love.  During this talk, Elizabeth discussed the muse at great length.  She even discussed how while writing Eat, Pray, Love she was having feelings of despair believing it would be the “worst book in the world.”  She said, during this time, that she looked into an empty corner of her office and addressed her muse directly.

She informed her muse that, if the work was terrible, she was not the only one to blame.  She said that she was working as hard as she could every day, waking up at the same time and forcing herself to write.  She guilted the muse into being there for her by saying aloud “I would please like the record to reflect today that I showed up for my part of the job.”  If you are interested in the entirety of the talk (about 20 minutes), you can see it here.

Well, these last few years, I have forgotten myself.  I have failed to show up for my part of the job for years and my muse has been the one to give up on me.

From this day forward, I make this commitment.  I will show up to write every day if my muse will promise to forgive me and give me another chance.

– Paul Scott

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Posted by on April 4, 2011 in Personal

 

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Gazing…at the Stars

Pleiades Star Cluster

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So today just became my official “I’ve lost it” day.  I have written 5 poems for absolutely no reason.  I just don’t write poems.  I haven’t since high school so it’s kind of weird.  Anyway, I thought I’d share my favorite with you:

Gazing

When I was one, I had no purpose
Nor did I know or care
When I was three, no purpose still
But no worse did I fare

When I was six, nothing had changed
I still was not depressed
When I was ten, I still had none
And that suited me best

At fifteen, my life had no point
Cursed was my fate
At twenty-one, I knew no purpose
I decided I must wait

At twenty-eight, still nothing came
I began to feel alone
At thirty-six, life was purposeless
Sorrow became my home

At forty-five, my pointless life
Was forcing me to see
At fifty-five, I had no purpose
It was not meant to be

At sixty-six, still nothing there
And it began to show
At seventy-eight, I gave up hope
I had nowhere to go

At ninety-one, I lay on my deathbed
That’s when I understood
My purpose passed me as I waited
In my life, I’d done no good

At fifteen, had I been any wiser
I’d have done well in school
At twenty-one, I’d have fallen in love
If I’d not been such a fool

At twenty-eight, I’d have my children
Had I not waited so long
At thirty-six, I’d be the best dad
If I’d not have been so wrong

At forty-five, my kids would all be grown
And that’s when I would see
At fifty-five, they’d have their own lives
My purpose would be my legacy

At sixty-six, my whole life would change
Kids would have kids of their own
At seventy-eight, my wife and I
Could have settled down at home

And at ninety-one, I’d not be alone
As I lay there near-dead
I could have had them all around
Standing by my bed

So my last dying words, you see
I’ll tell you what they are
There is no purpose you will reach
Just GAZING at the stars

– Paul Scott

P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2010 in Original Works

 

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Passion isn’t Always Enough

240/365 National Novel Writing Month begins

Image by owlbookdreams via Flickr

The end of November is closing in on me and I can’t help but look back and ponder on the events of this month and its importance to me.  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, November is National Novel Writing Month.  I can’t tell you how hard it has been to stay on track with a project of this magnitude – writing a novel in 30 days.

It’s made me question myself and the way I view my life.  If you were to ask anyone who has had even one conversation with me, you would know that I am extremely passionate about writing.  I eat, sleep and breathe the written word.  Regardless of all that, this month has been more challenging and exhausting than any month I’ve ever had in my life.  Sticking to something that should come so easily to me (after all, I love doing it) was harder than I ever could have imagined and begged me to ask the question

Is passion enough?

I’ve learned that no matter how much I enjoy a job or work of any kind, including writing, I seem to approach it with a half-ass attitude.  There are so many other things that I could be doing right now instead of hammering away at my keyboard at 80-some odd words per minute.  I have over 300 movies in my movie collection as well as a subscription to Netflix, I have several video games that I still haven’t completed and about 20 or so unfinished books to read.

I have literally wanted to be a writer since I was able to pick up a pencil.  Why is it just as difficult to force myself to write as it is to get myself up early every morning for work?  After 9 hours of work, how can I expect myself to sit down and write for another few hours?  The answer is simple really:

I don’t have a clue!

My passion, writing.  And if only I had the time to do it every day.  That’s the excuse I make after my Weeds marathon with my wife.  Did I really need to watch so many episodes?  Probably not.  Was it more important than my writing?  Every day that I gave in to that urge, it was.  I treat the opportunity to veg out and let my brain retard itself into a stupor with equal or more respect than my passion for writing.

How embarrassing to think that I once thought like that.  The rewarding and euphoric feeling I have every night when I turn out the light knowing I’ve written my 1,667 words for the day (sometimes more) is 1000-fold the relaxation I feel while I drool at a digital video.

The more blogs I read that are written by true writers, the more I see that I’m not alone in my struggle.

– Paul Scott

P.S.  Special thanks to Cordelia, whom I pretty much stole the idea of this blog post from.

 
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Posted by on November 27, 2010 in Inspirational

 

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A Case of the Mondays

William Ernest Henley

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I’ve detected a pattern in my new blog thus far.  The previous two Mondays I have shared quotes with you!  It seems only right that I continue that tradition until the time when this blog comes to an end, which I hope will never be.  The quote I’d like to share with you today is actually a poem by William Ernest Henley.  Thanks to a recent film sharing the poem’s title its meaning has been reborn:

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever Gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

I matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishment the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

– Paul Scott

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2010 in Inspirational

 

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NaNoWriMo – Halfway Point

National Novel Writing Month

Image by Steve Rhodes via Flickr

Today I reached my halfway point (25000 words) on my novel for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), which puts me 2 days ahead of schedule.  Hopefully this pace continues so I can finish by Thanksgiving Day and be able to relax with my family.

I encourage all my friends, family and readers to take the NaNoWriMo challenge.  Nothing beats the rush of accomplishment when you sit down and write every day.  Also, the NaNoWriMo organization is always accepting donations to support the staff that takes such good care of us writers.  You can make a tax-deductible donation by visiting the NaNoWriMo Donation Station.

My thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to donate their hard-earned money to serve such a noble cause.

– Paul Scott

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2010 in Productivity

 

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Oriana’s Big “1”

Today is a special day for my family.  My perfect little girl is now a 1-year-old.  She has grown so much in the last 12 months that I scarcely recognize her as the child my wife gave birth to.  I can’t believe that she is so big and that time has practically passed me by as I have watched her grow.

For my daughter, on her first birthday, I will share a quote of great importance to me.  Though I’m quite familiar with its author, Mark Twain, I must admit that I stole this quote from the blog of an old high school classmate (karamea.pearl).  To Oriana:

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do, than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.”

 

To Oriana, the world is your oyster.  Take it and do with it what you will.  No matter your choices in this life, remember this: daddy loves you and he always will!  Happy birthday Oriana!

– Paul Scott (Daddy)

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Personal

 

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Nugget on Netflix Episode 1: 009-1

009-1

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I’ve decided to begin another mini-series on this blog entitled “Nugget on Netflix.”  This series will follow my misadventures while playing around with my Netflix Queue and finding entertainment that may or may not be worth looking into.  I’m going to begin with 009-1.

009-1 is a Japanese anime that follows the story of Mylene Hoffman, a cyborg woman who works as a spy for an organization called Western Block.  She’s a talented fighter and has the advantage of copying an idea from the Austin Powers series (machine guns that pop out of her breasts).

The truth is, like many Japanese cartoons, the entertainment caters mostly to the male gender.  Mylene is a female version of James Bond and usually begins each episode wearing nothing but a sheet with a new stranger lying by her side.  She’s a beautiful character and actually has a wonderful back story but I don’t know that it makes up for the over-exaggerated female form and the ridiculous sexual antics she gets herself into.  I believe that all films, books, games, etc… should be respected as art but I also believe that there is only so much adult content you can place into an entertainment medium without justification.

The animation is good and the voice acting is amazing compared to some of the other Japanese cartoons that cross over to American shores.  Also, possibly the strongest point of this series, there was a bold and beautiful soundtrack.

In our “Nugget on Netflix” series, let’s have a rating system.  I think we’ll rate the films/series I watch on Netflix on a simple scale of 1-10.

I believe that 009-1 earned a 6/10.  The show really wasn’t all that bad but stuck very closely to the Japanese anime stereotype, which leaves you feeling a little unsatisfied afterward.

 
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Posted by on November 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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